For the Family
by sonofon
Summary: Hikaru and Renge get married and have a baby. No, really!
1. A Name is Most Important

**A Name is Most Important**

by: sonofon

--

"A name is very important," she was saying to a clearly uncaring redhead. She smacked him hard on the back. "And are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, sure. Keep going." Let her mouth run off on its own. Hikaru was getting tired. "Besides, isn't it kind of late?"

"It's never too late to think of a name. _Hi_karu, just pick a name, and we'll be done!"

"But I don't _feel_ like it," he languidly replied, cupping his chin in the palm of his hand. "It's late. I want to go to sleep."

"You're a kid, Hikaru," she mused. "A child, really."

"And what are you – a squirming baby?" If he wanted to, Hikaru could be quite sarcastic, but it was wasted on Renge. She latched herself on him, and shoved a book under his nose.

"Pick."

"You think I can read with a book in my nose?"

He snatched the booklet from her, and neat rows of names with their meanings greeted him. He flipped through the A section. He hated A names.

"The kid isn't gonna have a name starting with A."

"What?" Renge cried. "I _love_ A names! Like Akemi! A bright beauty!" She peered at him anxiously, but he only shook his head. "No?"

"How about Amaya? Night rain? It's such a mysterious and romantic name, don't you think?"

"Like _hell_ no. No kid of mine is going to have a name like Amaya. Ever."

"Then, Mr. I hate names beginning with A, which name do _you_ like?"

Hikaru looked thoughtful for a moment, turning over the pages. "Jin is nice."

"_Jin_?" Renge screeched. "Gold? _Hikaru_, you're being a moneywhore. I might as well have married Kyouya."

Looking annoyed, Hikaru retorted, "You're the one who asked. What's wrong with Jin anyway?"

"Too short," Renge deadpanned, as if a short name cursed a girl for life. "And it isn't cute."

"It's cute!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Then screw this!" Hikaru shouted. "I'm sick and tired playing this game with you! We can't agree shit for anything, let alone a stupid _name_."

"Because the name is the most important thing," Renge responded calmly. "How horrible would we be if we gave a child the most despicable name there was?"

"Like _Renge_?" he sneered.

She looked sad. "That's dirty, Hikaru-_kun_," she said, adding the suffix at the last moment. "You know I'd never do that to you."

"Whatever," he said, "I just don't understand why–"

"I _told_ you already."

"–we're doing this when we don't even _have_ a kid yet," Hikaru finished with a roll of his eyes. "Hell, you're not even pregnant."

A/N: Crack. Part 1 of 3. Read and Review!


	2. Ideal Breathing Exercises

**Ideal Breathing Exercises**

by: sonofon

--

"Seriously, why do I even _bother_?" Hikaru moaned in disbelief.

"I'm feeling kind, so I'll take that as a rhetorical question," Renge answered, a smile on her lips, "just be quiet and listen to the instructor."

"Like _hell_."

Hikaru felt trapped. He always did with Renge. She sucked the life out of him until he became a dry corpse of nothing, withering away from a lack of oxygen. Renge would make a good Grim Reaper, he mused, she really would.

Right now, they were taking breathing classes. Really!

It was one of those childbirth classes that you had to prepay for where an instructor taught you – guess what? – how to breathe. Of course, it was breathing for when you would be _delivering a child_, which made all the difference in the world, he supposed.

To be deemed a 'good' parent, one had to first successfully bring the child into the world, and to do that, one needed to _breathe_.

Thus was the premise, and apparently, it made perfect sense to everyone except Hikaru, who was still grumbling about a waste of time, upcoming deadlines, and this and that. And of course, Renge ignored him.

They'd brought the pillows and all the other supplies needed, too. Renge had pretty much bought a pillow store. The ones they used now had a crème color casing, and Hikaru vaguely noticed how they were the only couple to use matching pillowcases _and_ ones that didn't have any sort of stains on it. Commoners, they were surrounded by.

First, they practiced breathing with the woman on the ground. Renge would only lie on her back after much protesting of germs and bacteria, and oh! when was the last time they'd _cleaned_ this place?

Hikaru resorted to roughly shoving her down, prompting the instructor to scold him, "Your wife is _pregnant_."

Well, duh. Why else were they here?

While Renge practiced breathing, Hikaru practiced timing. He held the stopwatch in his hand and timed how long Renge's breaths were. He became a professional in that two-hour long period. Really, he did.

The idea was that holding your breath to a certain extent and exhaling was going to help you during labor. Or, Hikaru thought, you could just pass out from holding your breath too long. Then when you woke up, the kid was going to be in fifth grade.

That would be, he decided, ideal.

A/N: Part 2 of 3. Read and Review!


	3. Reality is never what you expect

**Reality is never what you expect**

by: sonofon

--

Of course, the childbirth classes had gone to absolute waste. Waste! Hikaru might as well have set the money on fire. That, at least, would have been much easier and saved a lot of time.

Because there was something that Hikaru had not taken in account before Renge's going into labor, and this could be summed up into one word: pain.

It _hurt_ like hell. Or so Renge said. Except, she didn't really say it because she couldn't. Hikaru just assumed so because she was asking for enough painkillers to put a wooly mammoth to sleep.

Hikaru had the stopwatch in his hand, and he was saying, "Remember to breathe! Remember to breathe!"

But was she going to listen? _No_. Renge only shot this dirty look to him that said, simply: Shut the _fuck_ up.

So he did. However, Renge kept asking for more painkillers, and it got to the point where she was begging the anesthesiologist to marry her.

It didn't help that the one giving anesthesia was Kyouya.

The bastard. Hikaru was sure that the dark-haired man was smirking behind that safety mask. God, he hated the hospital so damn much.

When the torture was over, it'd been a good twenty hours since the ordeal had started. Hikaru was getting ready to ask Renge for a divorce.

But then she showed him the baby.

And he couldn't help but think: Cute. It was such a fragile-looking child. Its eyes were closed with a small thumb perched right on its lips.

It made him so happy, so suddenly like that. He reached out for the baby, and he whispered softly, "Jin?" A rush of prenatal emotion that he'd never known had come to him. He was shocked to silence.

The baby made a gurgling noise, but that was enough to convince Hikaru that he'd just found The Perfect Name. Jin was cute, he thought, and who cared if it was short? If a girl had too long of a name in the first place, who could remember it?

But Renge broke all of his hopes right there and then.

Half conscious, but enough to kill his spirits, she managed, "Hikaru? About the name. The baby?"

"Yeah?"

"It's...a boy. Not a girl."

Hikaru paused, blinked, and drew his hand away. He stared at the baby. The baby stared back.

Then he yelled,

"Why the _hell_ didn't you tell me the sex of the baby _before_? Isn't that, like, the most _important_ thing?"

"Shh," Renge said, "you'll wake him."

END

A/N: Yeah. Hikaru went through all that child-naming-torture for nothing. Read and Review!


End file.
